10. Tired of putting on pants.
9. Wife wants him to take out the trash every day.
8. Kids are starting to call his gardener, “Daddy.”
7. Caught Paul Shaffer cheating on him with another band.
6. Ran out of celebrity questions two years ago.
4. Starting to believe #ConanO’brien phone threats to make David permanently disappear.
3. AARP offered him $100 to be their national spokesperson.
2. Dressing room in Ed Sullivan Theater is haunted by Elvis (and he won’t stop singing Viva Las Vegas).
…and finally, the number one reason David Letterman wants to leave his TV show next year…
1. So he can star in a series of Paramount Hope/Crosby “road pictures” remakes with his long-time TV competitor, Jay Leno.
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Richard Allan Jones is the author of the comedy/adventure, “Drafted,” available on Kindle at amazon.com.