I present the following as a public service message for those who wanted to know but were afraid to ask.
Tips for wearing a kilt for the first time:
- Try to practice sitting, standing up, doing deep knee bends, picking up the pencil you dropped, and even getting in and out of a car.
- When you sit down make sure the front of your kilt falls between your legs to avoid embarrassment for anyone facing you. Warning! Don’t let your hand linger too long.
- When you stand up, sweep your hand over the back of your kilt to make sure the pleats are flat and no one has stolen your wallet.
- It is a good idea to make sure your sporran is weighted down. This is critical! Most sporting goods stores offer a wide choice of sporran weights in several sizes and colors.
- If a woman asks you if anything is worn under the kilt, you should respond, “Nay Lass, everything is as good as it ever was.”
- If you embarrass easily, you might want to wear your kilt with opaque tights or thigh-high socks with a tassel.
- Only wear on special occasions, like a wedding, while performing Hamlet, sale at Macy’s, Renaissance Fairs, or casual Fridays at work.
- Most importantly, have fun and enjoy all the attention you will get!
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Richard Allan Jones is the author of the comedy/adventure, “Drafted” (amazon.com) and the upcoming thriller, “Identity Check.”