For Immediate Release—
The President has announced the appointment of Will “no stone unturned” Johnston as head of the new “search and destroy” IRS squad. In explaining the rational of creating yet more bureaucracy in Washington, the chief executive said, “I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before. The IRS has been so successful in the past, nailing gangsters, like Al Capone; entertainers, like Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes; and middle-class Americans, trying to scrape by. Now we can turn the wrath of the government on Republicans and the media. I can get whatever I want through Congress in record time.”
White House spokesperson, Seeit Myway, added, “We are tired of the news changing our press releases and telling the truth. That’s not what the people want to hear. Now if we catch wind of an unfavorable story, we can send in the IRS and threaten bankruptcy!”
Democratic chairman, Lefty Bygod, remarked, “This latest initiative is brilliant. We are always getting outspent by Republicans in political races. How can we get all our asses into office when those damn elephants have all the cash? Now all we have to do is send in the S&D squad and transfer their funds to us. We’ll never lose another election!”
1) A.P. printed this wire story exactly as released, in its entirety, word for word, without any desperately needed rewrites or editorial comments under extreme financial duress.
2) Author remarks: Obviously, this is a poorly written satire on political current events and nothing like this could ever happen in America today…now could you please remove my phone tap and cancel the audit?
Richard Allan Jones is an author, actor and musician who resides in the Los Angeles area. “Drafted” by Rich Allan is available at amazon.com. He appears in the upcoming HBO movie, “Behind the Candelabra,” and plays locals clubs with the 60s classic rock band, Revolution Road.